


Alex Danvers-Old habits

by Thewritinglemon



Category: Super girl - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 03:50:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewritinglemon/pseuds/Thewritinglemon
Summary: Alex finds it hard to cope with her rejection and develops some old habits of hers*trigger warning there is self harm*I felt like I needed to write thisRead notes at end to hear why I wrote this and ways to contact me if you are self harming,depressed or anything of the sortI AM NOT PROMOTING SELF HARM





	Alex Danvers-Old habits

Alex hadn't felt like this in a long time  
Not since Vicky  
But she had pushed that memory down so far she had almost forgot about it  
When Maggie had entered Alex's life these feelings completely caught her off guard  
But back when she felt ways about Vicky  
Alex didn't know how to cope with these feelings which made her feel so alone and disconnected which leaded to her to dragging them silver blades over her skin  
But that was so long ago and the scars were vague but still visible Alex tried to ignore her thighs and wrists and she did she has been for years she didn't like talking about them she blamed herself when she was a teenager for having feelings for Vicky so she felt like the only resort was to punish herself and cut her own flesh  
Back then when Alex's parents found out she self-harmed they put her in counseling which only made it worse she felt like an outcast and harmed herself more and more it wasn't until Kara found out they never told her previously because she was still a it young to understand but when Kara was 14 Alex told her and Kara helped her through it Kara saved her from the painful hell she was living in and since then they never looked back it was like it never happened they never talked about it but it was always in the back of Alexs mind 

Now 28 years old Alex felt exactly like that again she felt alone and afraid and disconnected she didn't know what these feelings for Maggie meant but at least this time she had experience and knew it was best to talk so after many hours of contemplating she grabbed her keys and headed out of her apartment door 

She was going to come out to Maggie

She walked into the Alien bar already knowing Maggie would be there she was nervous and was sweating she also wanted to see how Maggie was doing after seeing those people bleed out of their ears and scream she knew Maggie would be taking shots, that's what Maggie would do to suppress memories but Alex couldn't blame Maggie for going to alcohol when she had problems it's the first thing she would do as well  
"I heard what happened, you ok?"  
Alex asked approaching from behind her to her table

"I've seen some crazy stuff since I've joined the science boys but that was um...that was..w-what are you doing here?"  
she asked with a confused look on her face looking up at the taller woman now standing in front of her table

"I was worried about you"Alex admitted

"Look I'm sorry if I was too forward the other day that was out of my place" Maggie apologized 

Alex looked down and thought to herself for a second before sitting down and clasping her hands leaning closer to Maggie who was now sitting opposite from her

"My whole life has been about being perfect"Alex said 

Maggie smiled slightly relating to her

"Perfect grades, perfect job and the perfect sister taking care of Kara"she said pausing slightly after it

"But the one part of my life I have never been able to make perfect...was dating" she raised her eyebrows admitting to what she found embarrassing 

Maggie smiled and nodded her head to show she was listening

"I just never really liked it I-I...I don't know I mean I tried you know I mean I-I got asked out I just I never liked"her voice had gotten really strong and loud

She paused sighing gathering up the courage for her next sentence 

"being intimate"she admitted her voice now in a softer quieter tone

"I just I don't know I just thought maybe that's not the way that I was built you know just not my thing...I never-I never thought it was because of the other-that-that"  
She scratched her head as her voice became more nervous 

"Maybe I-I mean I don't-I don't know now I just can't-I can't stop thinking about"

"About what"Maggie cut her off in a comforting voice

Maggie nodded her head gesturing Alex to keep going on with what she had to say 

"That maybe...there's some truth to what you said"Alex said 

"About?"Maggie said puzzled

"What you said...about me"Alex said smiling

Maggie smiled and tilted her head catching on, on what she was saying

"I have to go"she said relieved as she felt as if a lot of weight had been lifted off her shoulder 

She stood up and put her hand on the table

"I'm glad you're ok" she said and then she walked out of the bar

A couple of days later Alex was sitting on her couch she was ready to tell Maggie how she felt, she grabbed her jacket and scooted off as fast as she could before she changed her mind

She walked into the bar smiling seeing the smaller woman playing pool by herself in that shirt that did things to Alexs stomach which didn't help her nervousness 

"Hey Maggie" Alex said catching the brunettes attention 

"Danvers hey I was hoping you'd turn up, any interested in a game?"Maggie said gesturing to the pool table

"Well I was a actually wondering if you were good for that drink you promised me?"  
Alex said dragging her fingers along the edge of the pool table

Maggie paused processing what Alex had just said 

"You told Kara?"Maggie asked with a grin

"Yea"Alex said nodding

"Yea you did oh so happy for you"  
Maggie said pulling Alex into a tight hug

"I'm buying all night what are you having?"  
Maggie said pulling away from the hug heading to the bar

Before Maggie could move one step Alex brought her back in and pulled her into a kiss

Eventually they separated 

"Wow"Maggie said with a surprised look on her face

"I have been wanting to do that" Alex said grinning

"Yea I can tell" Maggie said grinning looking at the ground

"Was that not ok?" alex asked getting slightly worried

"You didn't do anything wrong"Maggie said shaking her head

"But something's wrong"Alex said somehow keeping a smile on her face

"Well...we're at really different places"Maggie said trying not to hurt Alex

Alex nodded still smiling but now felt the sudden urge to cry but kept her tears back

"And everything's changing for you and everything's going to feel really heightened and shiny and um"Maggie said trying to keep a positive tone

Alex smiled at this point she was going to cry any second

"And you should experience that for yourself not just to be with me"Maggie said a little more serious

Alex nodded no longer smiling

"I shouldn't get involved with somethings that fresh off he boat, those relationships never really work out"Maggie said softly feeling like it might offend Alex

Alex nodded as if she got what she was saying but she didn't really at all

"Are we cool?"Maggie asked leaning back

"Yea-yea we're cool"Alex lied turning around

"Alex don't go" Maggie said loudly almost shouting across the bar

"I'll see you"Alex said her voice too weak to even finish as she walked out of the bar as fast as she could with tears in her eyes looking down at the ground

Her car ride home was silent apart from her sobs

When she got home her eyes were red from crying

She felt so lifeless and numb but at the same time felt so much pain

She walked into her bathroom and looked at in the mirror and she hated what stared back at her 

"You stupid fucking idiot!" She screamed pulling back her fist and driving it through the mirror shattering it over her hand

But instead of retracting in pain she just closed her eyes and stood there her fist still with some glass on it

Finally she shook the glass off her hand but instead of reaching for her first-aid kit or grabbing a towel she just stared at her fist covered in blood and sighed a sigh of relief seeing her blood and feeling that pain relieved her because she felt like she deserved it 

She opened her clenched fist blood seeping from the wounds on her hand tears steaming down her face she smiled, she smiled at the sight of her own blood 

She bent down and took a large shard of glass she took off her jeans so she was just in her boxer briefs and she sat in her bath tub and crossed her legs, she pulled up her boxer briefs and dragged the shard of glass along the thigh again, again and again until there was at least 30 small but deep cuts on each of her thighs 

She finally stopped realizing how much blood she had lost she held damp cloths over her thighs until the blood stopped then she stood up out of her bath and walked to the door looking back at the horrific sight of her bathroom she didn't think twice about it and she fell into her bed and cried into her sheets until she fell asleep....

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because depression is something I'm very familiar with as well as self harm I am not promoting self harm I just felt like this needed to be written
> 
> Please comment any mistakes in this I'm still getting used to writing :)
> 
> You can contact my tumblr:omglemoneditsblog
> 
> Please talk and don't keep it in :)


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